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Big Black Hawk

by Gordo & Friends

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    Get out your Sony Disc-Mans and prepare yourselves for an epic musical-comedy journey as Gordo & Friends guide you through many different genres. The CD featured 30 of New England's most talented musicians. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll shit your pants...

    Includes unlimited streaming of Big Black Hawk via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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1.
Craigslist 02:30
(oooohs) Sittin’ here in this dark bedroom alone (dark bedroom alone) sick of sex lines, don’t want to use the telephone (want to use the phone) I want someone, and I want em for free craigslist please be good to me (lonely) I’m an m seeking any kind of w (any kind of you) if you’re interested in me, then I’m into lovin’ you (into lovin’ you) a picture’s a plus, but I’ll e-mail anyone I see (you slut) so craigslist please be good to me I just want someone to hold me tight even if it’s only for one night you could even be 103 getting girls on craigslist is ok with me (horny) you could have a mustasche that’s blacker than mine (dirty sanchez) or be 400 pounds, a little more is fine (big fat ass) I don’t even mind if you’re an amputee (or a quadriplegic) craigslist please be good to me Hello, is this Rhoda? This is Gordo & Friends and I'm calling because I saw your craigslist ad; I saw that you were offering sex. Mind if I come over? I just want someone to hold me tight we can make love until the morning light this is equal opportunity, anyone's ok if it wasn't for craigslist, I'd never get laid (click mouse, check post) (depressing) I need a story that’s I can't tell my fam eharmony’s great but craigslist is my jam a click-of-a-button-ll save me from beastiality so craigslist please be good to me craigslist please be good to me craigslist please be good to me
2.
I didn’t used to like you, but you didn’t seem to mind I thought of your extended family to be the better kind From that time my tastes have changed, I tried you once again The fireworks ignited, so I’d like to make amends Grapefruit, I love you grapefruit You’re citrusy and sweet, with a bitter underneath I love you grapefruit I need you The love I have for you is limitless and true (Alex sings) You were kind enough to let me pour your juice into my glass Twas the first I’d sipped of heaven, I knew our love would last You’re a ruby on the inside, and an amber on the out Your lycopene is what I need to make me sing and shout Grapefruit, I love you grapefruit You’re citrusy and sweet, with a bitter underneath I love you grapefruit I need you The love I have for you is limitless and true And all of the bad times go away The vitamin C you’ve given leads the way Grapefruit I love you From scurvy I’m protected by my favorite fruit of all your juice goes well with breakfast and even alcohol limes are far too bitter, and tangelos too sweet oranges are jealous of the fruit I love to eat Grapefruit, I love you grapefruit You’re citrusy and sweet, with a bitter underneath I love you grapefruit I need you The love I have for you is limitless and true Grapefruit, I love you grapefruit You’re citrusy and sweet, with a bitter underneath I love you grapefruit I need you The love I have for you is limitless and true
3.
Fire red lips and vanilla skin and jet black hair she makes a man want to sin lights a cigarette on her way to yoga class she walks real slow but smokes real fast makes a pitstop at the hippest coffee spot orders up a no foam soy late with an extra shot she says goodbye just as you say hello Satan is a vegan and she lives in San Fransisco Walks down the street and makes every head turn Every man given the chance to be with her would let his soul burn She talks real soft but every word hits hard breaking hearts right and left as she saunters down the boulevard she'll make the ice in your glass melt with a single stare she'll turn you to dust if you catch a glimpse of her underwear It's ten degrees hotter where ever she goes Satan is a vegan and she lives in San Francisco She don't eat meat cause she's cruel to herself She thinks imitation meat is better for her health She hops in her prius and heads down to wholefoods she lights up a room with her cheery fucking mood give her your time, and she'll take it away buy her some flowers and she'll fuck up your day I knew this girl a long time ago Satan is a vegan and she lives in San Francisco
4.
Four Options 04:00
We’re in a parking lot In your carolla goin at it non stop A sudden urge has hit Ignored it before but now I can’t forget I’m chasing waterfalls You’re so fine it’s out of control I can not let you know, Because if you know, then I know that you will go Gotta pee really bad and I don’t wanna stop I’ll be sad, but if I don’t, then my bladder will pop Now I gotta think what needs to be done Four options I could try and here’s number one Option One: I could get out of the car, pull it out, let it spout, then get back in the car Or two: I could stay in the car, and be uncomfortable, baby girl Number three: this could get sexual, like R Kelly, I could pee on your face Or four: I could just open the door, say goodbye to you baby, make plans for another day I know that you will leave If I stop, baby please I’m so uncomfortable But so turned on, it’s unavoidable I know the stream will come But if we stop for a minute, I know that we will be done I don’t know what to do Nature’s callin’ me but I don’t want to stop kissing you listen baby this is what I gotta do I’m sure I’ll get another chance to get ontop of you But I think that my time has come, The only option has been number one Urgency, seriously, now I gotta tell you that I got to pee, Please, baby, don’t go, stay another minute or just come with me And you’ll see We can just cout to three Give me another couple of seconds with this redwood tree, Litertally I think my time has come, The only option has been number one! (hold up girl) Haha number one means peeing (lemme get out of the car) I got one more thing for you: So I get out of the car and I find a good spot I find a proper place where I won't get caught 60 seconds passes and then I get back in And now you say it's kinda late but we should do it again Aw man! Is it cuz I needed to pee? I knew I should have gone with option three I knew I should have gone with option 3 I knew I should have gone with option 3
5.
14 years ago I held you in my arms I fed and watched you grow I sheltered you from harm and now the time has come on your wedding day where I hold you close again and I give your hand away If I can't have you nobody else can and everyone must understand there won't be another man you're the best thing that's ever fuckin' happened to my life I'm happier than I have ever been because my daughter is my wife we went on that there springer show and everybody booed so I got down on one knee right there and proposed myself to you the odds were stacked against us when I told your mother the news that I was getting married again getting hitched to you If I can't have you nobody else can and everyone must understand there won't be another man you're the best thing that's ever fuckin' happened to my life I'm happier than I have ever been because my daughter is my wife I married your cousin June and then aunt Peggy-Sue the logical next step in life was to marry you If I can't have you nobody else can and everyone must understand there won't be another man you're the best thing that's ever fuckin' happened to my life you look so good in this here wedding ring (my wedding ring) I'll be both the father and the grandfather to our offspring (offspring) I'm happier than I have ever been (yeah!) because my daughter is my wife because my daughter is my wife I love you baby
6.
I'm so bored!  There's nothing I can do I've surfed and jerked and checked the fridge a thousand times before I've tried Everything and more There's nothing fun that I can find Still looking for a cure I don't need to work today But I don't want to play All my board games boring It's too snowy of a day So I'm forced to stay inside And try to bide my time The clock is ticking slower As I think of things to rhyme I'm so bored!  There's nothing I can do I've cleaned the house and organized I've even mopped the floor I've tried Everything and more With emails checked and Hulu watched I've seen it all before (Jim) I'm tired of the Internet My stomachs filled with food I could play an instrument But I'm not in the mood So instead I'll write this song And make a video I'll show the world what I can do With final cut and Logic Pro I'm so bored!  There's nothing I can do Except for me to write a crappy irish song or two I've tried Everything and more There's nothing fun that I can find still looking for a cure "Alllright everyone, now it's time for the sing-a-long part, are you ready?" (yaaa) "ok, I need all you people to sing along" la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la just the sopranos this time la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la everybody! la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la just the dogs! woof woof woof woof woof woof woof… I'm so bored!  There's nothing I can do Except for me to write a crappy irish song or two I've tried Everything and more There's nothing fun that I can find still looking for a cure There's nothing fun that I can find still looking for a cure
7.
Mr. T on PCP 04:42
I pulled up front in my escalade to the supermart brought a big list of groceries tried to find out where I start I heard some bumps and heard some slams thought outside it was a traffic jam, but no it was motha fuckin' Mr. T Mr. T on PCP cruising down the isles like a black hulk with a bad hair cut he'll get angry if you smile holy shit, he's coming for me I think I better run somebody please better shoot him quick with a tranquilizer gun a tranquilizer gun a tranquilizer gun ooooeeeoo Mr. T's made a mess-a-things the store looks pretty bad the store managers are announcing him to leave but it only makes him mad he throws a courtesy clerk into a checkstand the poor boy makes a real big slam and I call the cops, but they're too slow, it's like this shit won't ever end Mr. T on PCP cruising down the isles like a black hulk with a bad hair cut and he's been here for a while holy shit, he's coming for me I think I better run somebody please better shoot him quick with a tranquilizer gun a tranquilizer gun a tranquilizer gun dig it he runs at me like a bat outta hell we can't stop him it's like he just got out of jail now he's got me by the neck before I think to run he lifts me up with his hands and he says "don't give me no back-talk sucka" yeah yeah this is how the story ends my listeners and my friends he put me down and he walked right out and I think he left the town what a strange encounter I said to the clerk he looked at me and went right back to work just another day in hollywood and I left the store feeling good Mr. T on PCP left without a trace with his gold chains and his big black frown and a mad look on his face he's hopped up on some stimulants and I think he's having fun somebody please better shoot him quick with a tranquilizer gun a tranquilizer gun (gospel ending)
8.
Pretty girl stop staring at your cellphone on the T Don’t you notice me? My pant leg is on fire, and I’m a mute so I can’t scream Don’t you notice me? As soon as I get on, all eyes are pointed down a silence in the air, no whisper to be found I could be a funny clown, or wearing only underwear if you didn’t have your cellphone, you’d stop and look and stare Stop fucking looking at your cellphone on the T Don’t you notice me? I’m a midget with a peg leg, a pirate from the sea Don’t you notice me? The only sounds I hear, are the earbuds in your ears the shuffling of feet, I’m wounded by a spear a hobo with a beard, but you would never know all your twitter feeds and comments are really quite a show I’ll try to find the words, but you’re playing angry birds and listening to whatever is popular on the radio, It will most likely be awkward I don’t want to be rude, I’m not that kind of dude I just want your attention so I can ask to buy you food Don’t you notice me? Don’t you notice me? Don’t you notice me?
9.
The Cat Song 02:15
I love my cat, I love my cat I love my cat and here he is Here's his picture with a hat Now he's starting in les mis He's so cute I wanna hug him got the urge to go and bug him (spoken) Ow! He likes to chase laser pointers He's so unique and fucking cute Wanna show him that I love him By dressing him in a sailor suit He's so adorable and small Lemme curl him in a ball Fuck! Damn It! He's cuter than a fox His paws can open doors He poops in a little box Instead of on the floor He's better than your cat In every (meow)ing way You may not agree, but That's what people on reddit say My cat is so adorbs He's the cutest of the bunch I like to invite his friends To a little kitty brunch I'm glad he's in my home He pees on everything I own
10.

credits

released August 1, 2013

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Gordo & Friends Boston, Massachusetts

Gordo & Friends is a musical comedy project by multi-instrumentalist, Shon Gordon. It's a project devoted to bringing people together and making them smile. The "& friends" portion of the project used to refer to the fans, friends, and guest musicians who make up the collective, but has since become the acts name (even when he plays solo). ... more

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