1. |
Craigslist
02:30
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(oooohs)
Sittin’ here in this dark bedroom alone (dark bedroom alone)
sick of sex lines, don’t want to use the telephone (want to use the phone)
I want someone, and I want em for free
craigslist please be good to me
(lonely)
I’m an m seeking any kind of w (any kind of you)
if you’re interested in me, then I’m into lovin’ you (into lovin’ you)
a picture’s a plus, but I’ll e-mail anyone I see (you slut)
so craigslist please be good to me
I just want someone to hold me tight
even if it’s only for one night
you could even be 103
getting girls on craigslist is ok with me
(horny)
you could have a mustasche that’s blacker than mine (dirty sanchez)
or be 400 pounds, a little more is fine (big fat ass)
I don’t even mind if you’re an amputee (or a quadriplegic)
craigslist please be good to me
Hello, is this Rhoda?
This is Gordo & Friends and I'm calling because I saw your craigslist ad; I saw that you were offering sex. Mind if I come over?
I just want someone to hold me tight
we can make love until the morning light
this is equal opportunity, anyone's ok
if it wasn't for craigslist, I'd never get laid (click mouse, check post)
(depressing)
I need a story that’s I can't tell my fam
eharmony’s great but craigslist is my jam
a click-of-a-button-ll save me from beastiality
so craigslist please be good to me
craigslist please be good to me
craigslist please be good to me
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2. |
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I didn’t used to like you, but you didn’t seem to mind
I thought of your extended family to be the better kind
From that time my tastes have changed, I tried you once again
The fireworks ignited, so I’d like to make amends
Grapefruit, I love you grapefruit
You’re citrusy and sweet, with a bitter underneath
I love you grapefruit I need you
The love I have for you is limitless and true
(Alex sings)
You were kind enough to let me pour your juice into my glass
Twas the first I’d sipped of heaven, I knew our love would last
You’re a ruby on the inside, and an amber on the out
Your lycopene is what I need to make me sing and shout
Grapefruit, I love you grapefruit
You’re citrusy and sweet, with a bitter underneath
I love you grapefruit I need you
The love I have for you is limitless and true
And all of the bad times go away
The vitamin C you’ve given leads the way
Grapefruit I love you
From scurvy I’m protected by my favorite fruit of all
your juice goes well with breakfast and even alcohol
limes are far too bitter, and tangelos too sweet
oranges are jealous of the fruit I love to eat
Grapefruit, I love you grapefruit
You’re citrusy and sweet, with a bitter underneath
I love you grapefruit I need you
The love I have for you is limitless and true
Grapefruit, I love you grapefruit
You’re citrusy and sweet, with a bitter underneath
I love you grapefruit I need you
The love I have for you is limitless and true
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3. |
Satan is a Vegan
02:16
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Fire red lips and vanilla skin
and jet black hair she makes a man want to sin
lights a cigarette on her way to yoga class
she walks real slow but smokes real fast
makes a pitstop at the hippest coffee spot
orders up a no foam soy late with an extra shot
she says goodbye just as you say hello
Satan is a vegan and she lives in San Fransisco
Walks down the street and makes every head turn
Every man given the chance to be with her would let his soul burn
She talks real soft but every word hits hard
breaking hearts right and left as she saunters down the boulevard
she'll make the ice in your glass melt with a single stare
she'll turn you to dust if you catch a glimpse of her underwear
It's ten degrees hotter where ever she goes
Satan is a vegan and she lives in San Francisco
She don't eat meat cause she's cruel to herself
She thinks imitation meat is better for her health
She hops in her prius and heads down to wholefoods
she lights up a room with her cheery fucking mood
give her your time, and she'll take it away
buy her some flowers and she'll fuck up your day
I knew this girl a long time ago
Satan is a vegan and she lives in San Francisco
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4. |
Four Options
04:00
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We’re in a parking lot
In your carolla goin at it non stop
A sudden urge has hit
Ignored it before but now I can’t forget
I’m chasing waterfalls
You’re so fine it’s out of control
I can not let you know,
Because if you know, then I know that you will go
Gotta pee really bad and I don’t wanna stop
I’ll be sad, but if I don’t, then my bladder will pop
Now I gotta think what needs to be done
Four options I could try and here’s number one
Option One: I could get out of the car, pull it out, let it spout, then get back in the car
Or two: I could stay in the car, and be uncomfortable, baby girl
Number three: this could get sexual, like R Kelly, I could pee on your face
Or four: I could just open the door, say goodbye to you baby, make plans for another day
I know that you will leave
If I stop, baby please
I’m so uncomfortable
But so turned on, it’s unavoidable
I know the stream will come
But if we stop for a minute, I know that we will be done
I don’t know what to do
Nature’s callin’ me but I don’t want to stop kissing you
listen baby this is what I gotta do
I’m sure I’ll get another chance to get ontop of you
But I think that my time has come,
The only option has been number one
Urgency, seriously, now I gotta tell you that I got to pee,
Please, baby, don’t go, stay another minute or just come with me
And you’ll see
We can just cout to three
Give me another couple of seconds with this redwood tree,
Litertally I think my time has come,
The only option has been number one!
(hold up girl)
Haha number one means peeing
(lemme get out of the car)
I got one more thing for you:
So I get out of the car and I find a good spot
I find a proper place where I won't get caught
60 seconds passes and then I get back in
And now you say it's kinda late but we should do it again
Aw man! Is it cuz I needed to pee?
I knew I should have gone with option three
I knew I should have gone with option 3
I knew I should have gone with option 3
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5. |
Father Daughter Dance
04:30
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14 years ago
I held you in my arms
I fed and watched you grow
I sheltered you from harm
and now the time has come
on your wedding day
where I hold you close again
and I give your hand away
If I can't have you nobody else can
and everyone must understand there won't be another man
you're the best thing that's ever fuckin' happened to my life
I'm happier than I have ever been
because my daughter is my wife
we went on that there springer show
and everybody booed
so I got down on one knee right there and
proposed myself to you
the odds were stacked against us
when I told your mother the news
that I was getting married again
getting hitched to you
If I can't have you nobody else can
and everyone must understand there won't be another man
you're the best thing that's ever fuckin' happened to my life
I'm happier than I have ever been
because my daughter is my wife
I married your cousin June
and then aunt Peggy-Sue
the logical next step in life
was to marry you
If I can't have you nobody else can
and everyone must understand there won't be another man
you're the best thing that's ever fuckin' happened to my life
you look so good in this here wedding ring (my wedding ring)
I'll be both the father and the grandfather to our offspring (offspring)
I'm happier than I have ever been (yeah!)
because my daughter is my wife
because my daughter is my wife
I love you baby
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6. |
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I'm so bored!
There's nothing I can do
I've surfed and jerked and checked the fridge
a thousand times before
I've tried
Everything and more
There's nothing fun that I can find
Still looking for a cure
I don't need to work today
But I don't want to play
All my board games boring
It's too snowy of a day
So I'm forced to stay inside
And try to bide my time
The clock is ticking slower
As I think of things to rhyme
I'm so bored!
There's nothing I can do
I've cleaned the house and organized I've even mopped the floor
I've tried
Everything and more
With emails checked and Hulu watched
I've seen it all before
(Jim)
I'm tired of the Internet
My stomachs filled with food
I could play an instrument
But I'm not in the mood
So instead I'll write this song
And make a video
I'll show the world what I can do
With final cut and Logic Pro
I'm so bored!
There's nothing I can do
Except for me to write a crappy irish song or two
I've tried
Everything and more
There's nothing fun that I can find
still looking for a cure
"Alllright everyone, now it's time for the sing-a-long part, are you ready?" (yaaa)
"ok, I need all you people to sing along"
la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
just the sopranos this time
la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
everybody!
la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
just the dogs!
woof woof woof woof woof woof woof…
I'm so bored!
There's nothing I can do
Except for me to write a crappy irish song or two
I've tried
Everything and more
There's nothing fun that I can find still looking for a cure
There's nothing fun that I can find still looking for a cure
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7. |
Mr. T on PCP
04:42
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I pulled up front in my escalade
to the supermart
brought a big list of groceries
tried to find out where I start
I heard some bumps and heard some slams
thought outside it was a traffic jam, but no
it was motha fuckin' Mr. T
Mr. T on PCP
cruising down the isles
like a black hulk with a bad hair cut
he'll get angry if you smile
holy shit, he's coming for me
I think I better run
somebody please better shoot him quick
with a tranquilizer gun
a tranquilizer gun
a tranquilizer gun ooooeeeoo
Mr. T's made a mess-a-things
the store looks pretty bad
the store managers are announcing him to leave
but it only makes him mad
he throws a courtesy clerk into a checkstand
the poor boy makes a real big slam
and I call the cops, but they're too slow,
it's like this shit won't ever end
Mr. T on PCP
cruising down the isles
like a black hulk with a bad hair cut
and he's been here for a while
holy shit, he's coming for me
I think I better run
somebody please better shoot him quick
with a tranquilizer gun
a tranquilizer gun
a tranquilizer gun
dig it
he runs at me
like a bat outta hell
we can't stop him
it's like he just got out of jail
now he's got me by the neck
before I think to run
he lifts me up with his hands and he says
"don't give me no back-talk sucka"
yeah yeah
this is how the story ends
my listeners and my friends
he put me down and he walked right out
and I think he left the town
what a strange encounter
I said to the clerk
he looked at me and went right back to work
just another day in hollywood and I left the store feeling good
Mr. T on PCP
left without a trace
with his gold chains and his big black frown
and a mad look on his face
he's hopped up on some stimulants
and I think he's having fun
somebody please better shoot him quick
with a tranquilizer gun
a tranquilizer gun
(gospel ending)
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8. |
Don't You Notice Me?
04:19
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Pretty girl stop staring at your cellphone on the T
Don’t you notice me?
My pant leg is on fire, and I’m a mute so I can’t scream
Don’t you notice me?
As soon as I get on, all eyes are pointed down
a silence in the air, no whisper to be found
I could be a funny clown, or wearing only underwear
if you didn’t have your cellphone, you’d stop and look and stare
Stop fucking looking at your cellphone on the T
Don’t you notice me?
I’m a midget with a peg leg, a pirate from the sea
Don’t you notice me?
The only sounds I hear, are the earbuds in your ears
the shuffling of feet, I’m wounded by a spear
a hobo with a beard, but you would never know
all your twitter feeds and comments are really quite a show
I’ll try to find the words, but you’re playing angry birds
and listening to whatever is popular on the radio, It will most likely be awkward
I don’t want to be rude, I’m not that kind of dude
I just want your attention so I can ask to buy you food
Don’t you notice me?
Don’t you notice me?
Don’t you notice me?
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9. |
The Cat Song
02:15
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I love my cat, I love my cat
I love my cat and here he is
Here's his picture with a hat
Now he's starting in les mis
He's so cute I wanna hug him
got the urge to go and bug him
(spoken)
Ow!
He likes to chase laser pointers
He's so unique and fucking cute
Wanna show him that I love him
By dressing him in a sailor suit
He's so adorable and small
Lemme curl him in a ball
Fuck! Damn It!
He's cuter than a fox
His paws can open doors
He poops in a little box
Instead of on the floor
He's better than your cat
In every (meow)ing way
You may not agree, but
That's what people on reddit say
My cat is so adorbs
He's the cutest of the bunch
I like to invite his friends
To a little kitty brunch
I'm glad he's in my home
He pees on everything I own
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10. |
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Gordo & Friends Boston, Massachusetts
Gordo & Friends is a musical comedy project by multi-instrumentalist, Shon Gordon. It's a project devoted to bringing people together and making them smile. The "& friends" portion of the project used to refer to the fans, friends, and guest musicians who make up the collective, but has since become the acts name (even when he plays solo). ... more
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